Fusion, diversity and hybridization are the pillars on which India stands. No other democracy has stood firmly for so long with so many odds. India has the longest surviving constitution in the world. Surprisingly despite a variety of taste in every realm, Indians have stuck to some "riti" and "riwaaz" for generations. These are the basic principles which we as Indians believe, irrespective of any religion or faith. Our Indianized social behaviour is linked to our ethical behaviour like preference for sari and salwar kameez is a symbol of decency in the society. One such uniqueness lies in INDIAN MARRIAGE SYSTEM.
Marriage is a bond between two souls. In India some call it "saat janmo ka sath" (togetherness till 7 births as per the Hindu tradition). It is said that marriages are made in heaven. But here marriages are so special and unique that they are only made in India. No other place in the world has such an exotic process of marriage.
Preference of Arrange Marriage
According to a study conducted by lokniti-CDCS youth studies in 2007 and 2016, 84% of Indian youth prefer arranged marriages where family has an integral role in deciding their partners. The preference for inter-caste and inter-religion marriages has slightly increased yet continues to remain low and most youth don't prefer live-in relationships.
These results are strange in a society that offer infinite choices. On one hand, marriages are said to be a divine bond on the other hand, they are still tied up in the garland of culture and tradition. In the age of globalisation, AI, gene editing, 4G and robotics, matrimonial sites with filter option of religion, caste, color and region have grabbed the market of marriages in India.
Dilemma of the Parents of Indian Daughters
In a poor family, a daughter's birth is still considered a burden due to dowry and marriage expenses. It is for this reason that girls are deprived of basic necessities like adequate health and education. The bare minimum income is diverted in her marriage which becomes the sole aim of parents since her birth.
Parents of Indian middle class family are the most perturbed ones. When a girl child is born here, she is loved and cared for. She is taught to stay away from fashion and style statements as her career is the foremost important goal of her life. When she grows up to the marriageable age, they realise the society still believes in parochial norms of "sundar" and "susheel bahu". It is now that they take a slight turn in their teachings. After all, being middle class they try hard to keep a balance in the society.
The richer elite are not free from worries. They have to worry about matching the status of the groom, worry about conducting a grand wedding with theme parties and guest appearances..a Big Fat Indian Wedding as they say. Despite occupying the highest strata, they are not free from the "log kya kahenge" phenomenon of the society. It is for this reason they run behind perfection.
Gharelu ladki chahiye..the Perfect Girl Portrayal
Most of the Indian families prefer "gharelu" (housewives) for better care of the family. Today the society is seeing a transition towards demand for working women in order to balance the rising inflation. Whatever may be the case, the taglines are only for women and not men. A homemaker husband is a myth in India just like paternity leaves which are quite frequently granted in the west.
There is another side to this story. In order to adjust in this demand-full society, many times females are trained like a soldier or they develop the habit of luring the male with their falsehood. Either you have to be perfect or you have to lie to get through the selection process. Eligible bachelors often complain of treason by false photographs or heavy makeup or extra ordinary cooking skills but they hardly realise it's their rising demand that drag females into tricking them. After all,they have no other option. "Either they fit in or they will perish".
Don't talk to strangers but marry a stranger
In India we teach our daughters to stay away from strangers. She is taught to be decent in her dressing, way of presentation, talking, laughing and even burping. But suddenly in her 20s we allow her to meet strangers and eventually get married just after one or two meetings and not even that in extreme cases. For taking such an important decision of life, Indian youths are given an hour, a day, a month or maybe a little more for the lucky ones. One has to become a mind reader, a future teller and a psychologist to take the most crucial decision of one's life.
Behind the curtain, an unsaid Dowry Culture
As a circus has artists performing in front and their co-workers helping from back, marriages have a dual language system in India. One is said and the other is unsaid. Despite making it a criminal act, dowry is still prevalent in many sections of society. It is even considered mandatory in many cultures. Even if it is taken in the name of an aid for the newly wed, it is not acceptable in any form. No definition justifies this stereotyping .
Belief that marriage is a bond between two families
Technically marriage is a two person affair but this is not true for all. Indian marriages establish ionic bond between couples but connect the whole family into coordinate complexes. Every tiny particle of one family has to be bonded with the other else this will destabilise the whole system.
Western nations despite having emerged and having higher GDP than India prefer to keep the marriage as a personal affair rather than societal phenomenon. In contrast, marriages in India are family and community driven. They hardly have 50 guests and for us 1000 is also less a number.
With so many if's and but's ..the truth is we are surviving and will continue to. As nothing is perfect we do have glitches. Yet our weddings are attached with beautiful aspects like love and respect for elders. We keep our culture and family above our own choices so we prefer to marry as per their choices. We believe in the purity and sanctity of marriage so we build family connections rather than an autonomic institution. We care for our daughters so deeply that we teach them to be careful in society till they are mature enough to make their own decisions.
Truly speaking no one, neither me nor you can decide what's right or wrong. So let us not focus on what can't be changed. But we can always be an eye opener for society. There is no harm in treating every female equal irrespective of her looks. There is no harm in not linking beauty and character together when it comes to females. There is no harm in teaching household tasks even to our boys. There is no harm in reaching a consensus before marriage whether love or arranged. There is no harm in making our groom self sufficient and our bride self empowered so both can reject dowry in all forms. It is only when we will stop judging and start acting, our society will be a better place.
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